This week, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what I’m supposed do/say/believe to make the things going on around me make sense. While I’d love to say that 100% of the time I’m able to gracefully accept God’s answers when I ask him why this stuff is happening, the truth is; I don’t. While a lot of times, I’m able to understand the logic behind Him saying that I just need to be patient, or that I don’t need to know the answer, this is one of those week’s where I so desparatly crave to push past that and beg for more answers. Because if I know the reasons behind how what is happening now will impact the future, I’d totally be set and content.

Let’s get real. That’s never going to happen. We as humans are never just content with the answers we’ve been given. We are consistantly searching to understand more, to have more information, to have more perspectives. Just, more. That’s not how God works though. We, as finite beings tend to forget that, more doesn’t always equal better. Playing more instruments doesn’t mean you’re a better musician. Having more answers doesn’t mean a better outcome.

So, here I sit, wrestling between the logical side of my brain, and the wanting side of my brain. I am logically aware that if I knew all the answers to the questions I’ve been asking I would be so completly overwhelmed and frazzled that I wouldn’t even begin to function. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to selfishly keep pestering God until he changes his mind. So far it hasn’t worked, and I don’t think it will anytime soon. I’m pretty sure God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and all the hosts of Heaven are consistently facepalming my attempts because they know that I know better.

This random period in my life where everything seems to be going crazy, wrong, sideways, upside down, and backwards is sucky. It’s hard. I don’t want to deal with all of the things going on at once and still be a functional member of society. But, I am. Well, “functional member of society” is pushing it, but “member of society” is slightly more applicable. Am I thriving off the chaos surrounding me? No. Am I graciously accepting the “not right now” answer God is giving me? I’m trying, but I’m being slightly petulant. Am I consistantly reminding myself that there are going to be things in my life that I can’t handle on my own, but I’m always given a way of escape through God? (I Corinthians 10:13) Yes.

So, instead of drowning in the “I don’t knows” of my life right now, I think I’m going to grab the floaty thingy that is purposly drawing closer to Christ.

^ This is the floaty thingy. Google informed me that it’s a lifesaver.