“Life is hard and blankets are warm.”

If I had a catchphrase, I think this would be it. It’s something I say almost daily as a reminder that, most of the time, there’s a reprieve at the end of the day. No matter how hard life gets, 9 times out of 10, at the end of the day, I can get under my 30lb blanket and just breathe.

That idea is also why I’ve been absent recently. If I wasn’t working or doing schoolwork, I was working on resting. Let’s be honest, I’m still working on resting. The rest, that, at one point, I could avoid for a couple days, became necessary daily due to a medicine change that wasn’t working. That’s just a part of being someone who isn’t in perfect health. So, I was having to deal with the extra fatigue and brain fog on top of everything else. It’s something I’ve dealt with before and will deal with again.

This is one of the many examples I have as to what all is involved in the process of treating your mental health. And the worst part about it is, there was a time in the recent past, that I would have taken the medicine’s failure to work as a sign of my shortcomings specifically in the area of my relationship with Christ. There’s a stigma in Christianity that implies if you treat your mental health with therapy and/or medication, you’re less of a Christian. While I’ve mostly broken myself of this stigma, (let’s just say these past few months have sucked), that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still affect my thought process when it comes to my meds not working.

Because, despite knowing that my mental health isn’t a consequence of something wrong I’ve done; that idea still tends to run around on my bad days.

So, if anybody needs the reminder:

Your trauma is a real and valid reason for you to have mental health conditions.

Your genetics are a real and valid reason for you to have mental health conditions.

Not everything negative in a Christian’s life is a direct result of a sin they committed.

I would love to say that asking for forgiveness for a theoretical sin would fix my intrusive thoughts caused by OCD. That’s not how that works.

I’d love to say I have regular panic attacks because I’m not as close to God as I could be, but that’s not true.

I have OCD because genetics and trauma decided to have fun in my brain. I have panic attacks because of things that have happened in my past that I have no control over, ergo trauma.

So, when a Christian presents the philosophy of my life being as it is because of a “sin issue,” it makes me realize how little they truly understand some of the basic things Jesus said. [John 9] Have I sinned? Yes. That’s a no-brainer. Does my sin impact my mental health? Yes, but not nearly as often as one might think. Is my sin the cause of my mental health conditions? No.

So remember that, “Life is hard and blankets are warm,” and rest if you need it. It’s important.

Here’s a shoutout to the kids who were told or made to feel like they were “too [insert word], when in all actuality, they were dealing with a neurodivergency or mental/physical health conditions. “

Too young to be tired.

Too young to have issues sleeping.

Too well off to be depressed.

Too young to be in so much pain.

Too serious.

Too loud.

Too messy.

Too picky.

Too lazy.

Too detail oriented.

Too specific with what you say.

Too easily distracted.

Too much to deal with.

Because, same.

To clarify, this isn’t a jab at my parents, in fact, if it’s a jab at anything, it’s towards the societal standards of what kids are “supposed” to be, as compared to a life filled with unfilled expectations, neurodivergency, and mental/physical health conditions.

People who have ADHD tend to have more trouble sleeping. They also have an increased risk of depression and anxiety, issues with volume control, staying organized, staying on task, and so much more.

People who are autistic tend to be specific about how things need to be, and appear “picky” with a lot of things when, in all actuality, something about it made them uncomfortable or overstimulated.

People who have invisible illnesses can go through crazy amounts of pain, medical tests, hospital visits, heartache and so much more and are still told that they are too “young,” to deal with it, or even “you don’t look sick.”

My point is simple. If you see a person that seems “too much.” Take a step back and evaluate before you speak. A person doesn’t need to be reminded that they’re young and in pain. They don’t need to be reminded that they’re messy or “lazy.” There’s a good chance that they’re already beating themselves up for the thing that you mentioned.

Ask how you can help instead of getting mad because they won’t do what you need or want them to. If they have ADHD, most likely the thing was too big to handle and the executive dysfunction set in and they got overwhelemed. If you think a person is too picky, they may be overwhelmed by a texture, sound, smell, or something else.

I could keep going. I’m tired of people being told that they’re “too something,” when in all actuality they’re dealing with something that society could most likely never understand.

So to the people like me who are figuring out that they were never too much, but were in fact just dealing with a neurodivergency or anytinng else like that:

It’s okay that you don’t fit into society’s standards of what you’re “supposed” to be. Your life doesn’t fit into those arbitrary standards. Embrace yourself for who God created you to be and that’s not going to look like the rest of the world.

End rant.

These past couple weeks have been rough. Life has thrown multiple curveballs in rapid succession, and I haven’t been able to keep up. August was apparently the month of sudden change, and I was woefully underprepared, which means that my normal way of processing emotions and sensory input didn’t work.

I genuinely struggle to process my emotions, and it only gets worse when I don’t allow myself time to think and rest. That struggle, along with my struggle of processing sensory input, is a side effect of my ADHD, because my brain isn’t capable of processing information the way that it should. I don’t enjoy it, but for the most part I’ve figured out a way to deal with it in a way that is not disruptive to my life. When I don’t allow myself time to think and rest, I end up having a meltdown which sort of resets my brain and body to try again.

To better explain how my brain processes these things I’m going to attempt to give you an allegory to help you visualize what I mean when I say I have difficulties in processing my emotions and sensory input.

The watering can and hose scenario is how emotional regulation and processing should theoretically work in a neurotypical brain. You only really get overwhelmed if something drastic happens in life, but overall you’re able to keep a solid grip on your emotions and process and distribute the necessary responses in an orderly manner.

I’m the poor dude with the bucket, or a neurodivergent brain . It takes a lot of effort and energy to handle my emotions and it’s a whole process. They just sit there until I can either throw them where they need to be, or I accidently let them accumulate too much and overflow, which causes a meltdown. To clarify, a meltdown is what I call my body’s physical reaction to emotions, sensory input, and general life when I don’t handle and process correctly.

The beginning stages of a meltdown are pretty small. I start getting headaches from bright or florescent lights and often find myself wearing sunglasses inside. Next, sounds get louder. If it gets bad enough, whispering can sound like someone is shouting directly in my ear. Also, sounds like my own chewing tend to irk me. Most of the time sound sensitivity is as bad as I let it get, but, every now and then everything happens too fast and I can’t process the emotions in time. After sound sensitivity, things start to feel wrong. My clothes don’t feel right or comfortable no matter what I’m wearing. Next, it sort of feels like my skin, insides, and bones are not all cohesively sized to fit my body and they are desperately struggling to simply exist as one. By the time my body starts feeling wrong, I’ve found a place to seclude myself and ride out the meltdown.

For at least the next half an hour I have to cover my eyes and ears, hide under a weighted blanket, and let myself deal. My heartrate picks up, my breathing becomes rapid and shallow, and all the emotions, events, and sensory input that I’ve been unable to process or regulate just exist all at once. It’s exhausting chaos, that often ends with me taking a nap and waking up with an empty bucket ready to try again.

I had a really bad one recently that reminded me how much of an idiot I was being. Yeah, life had thrown quite a few new, scary things my way, but I knew better than to let myself go that long without taking time to process everything. I was pushing myself because that’s what I wanted to believe I needed to do, when in all actuality I should have taken time with each new issue and processed it. More than that, I should have let myself truly rest instead of pushing forward.

So, this past week, I put an emphasis on rest. What does that look like? It’s taking time every evening to think through the things I have going on and meditate on how I feel about them, even if that means just taking ten minutes each day to work on this. It’s reminding myself that, while I am required to do a lot of things, running myself into the ground isn’t one of them.

So, this week, I come to you with a mostly empty bucket and a question. “When was the last time you truly took time to rest?”

I live in a small town that serves as an intersection for several major roadways. In addition, there’s a resort less than 10 minutes down the road. So, from Memorial Day to Labor Day, traffic, specifically in our one little traffic circle, is a mess.

I’ve seen people go the wrong way, go around it multiple times, stop to let people at a yield sign go, and even stop and throw their hands up in confusion because they have no idea which way they’re going. While it’s frustrating and sometimes dangerous, it’s also just part of living where I do.

If you’ve never driven in one, traffic circles can be daunting. The GPS says stuff like “Take the second right,” but you’re not sure if where you are counts as the first right or not. So, you do what any logical person would do and scream in frustration or just straight up freeze when you don’t know where to go. Yet, if they took a split second to rationalize that you can’t turn right in the lane you’re in, or just trusted what the GPS and road signs are telling you, you would have been fine and wouldn’t have needed to go buy an iced coffee to calm down. Upon reflection, I feel like traffic circles and tourists are a really good metaphor for our relationship with God.

Does anybody else find themselves only half-listening to God sometimes? There are moments in my life where God had gotten me to a certain point, and I just stop listening to what He’s telling me. Like He could tell me to go and talk to this person about a particular subject, and then I do something dumb like start the conversation with the person, but don’t actually follow what God laid on my heart. So I sit there floundering for the words to say, and I sort of end up looking like an idiot. Then I have to go drown my sorrows in an iced coffee, that I really shouldn’t have purchased.

Like that GPS telling the clueless tourist to take the second right repeatedly, sometimes I feel like God’s sitting there just repeating the instructions to me just waiting for me to listen. And you know what? In both situations, all of the pain, trouble, and unneeded caffeine could have been avoided if research was done and trust was given. For the tourists, that looks like viewing the entire route before you start driving and trusting that if a wrong turn is taken, you’ll be able to still find your way. For Christians, that looks like studying God’s Word, praying, and keeping close to Him. It also looks like trusting that He’s got your back and isn’t going to let you down.

So, next time you find yourself wondering what God (or a traffic circle) wants you to do, look for signs, and don’t stop in the middle of a potentially dangerous situation. Pull off to the side of the road if you have to. Take a second to regroup, get your bearings, and then try again.