Author: alphabetsoupandjesus

Death and Taxes

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Can we talk about the “tax” that comes with having things like ADHD, depression, or chronic illness? It’s honestly one of the most debilitating things that comes with having a disorder or illness, because you don’t realize what your “tax” is until you’re paying it.

Sometimes, it’s monetary. For example, I’m currently wearing earbuds that I thought I lost a month ago, and therefore, replaced. After the new earbuds arrived, I went looking for a notebook, and found the old ones under the book I’m currently reading. (It’s called the Anthropocene Reviewed) It’s now too late to return the new ones, so I’ve essentially wasted the money that could have been spent on better things or saved but, hey, at least I have an extra pair when these get permanently lost.

Sometimes, it’s pain. It’s pretty common for my arms and legs to ache. Sometimes, stretching them out helps alleviate some of the pain, sometimes it just makes it worse. Sometimes, movement of any kind makes me want to curl up in fetal position and never move again. It just depends on the day. In order to still be a functioning member of society, I have to pick and choose what I do and when. If I’m having a pain day that is triggered by movement, I know that the work I get done has to not be over the top. So that may be the day I decide to work on emails and homework rather than deep clean my bedroom.

Sometimes the tax is mental/social. If I do a socially taxing thing on a Saturday, I may need to stay home from church on Sunday because my ability to filter social interactions and my energy level is depleted.

On the days I stay home from church, I find myself feeling guilty. I guess it’s the years of believing that in order to be a good Christian, I had to be in church every single time it was open. I have to remind myself, that, Scripture doesn’t say I have to attend church every single time it happens. The writer of Hebrews says to, “not forsake the assembly of the body,” (Hebrews 10:25) the word “forsake,” means to completely abandon. That verse doesn’t mean you have to attend every single time the doors are open. It means you shouldn’t turn your back on worshiping with the body of believers. Yes, corporate worship is good, I enjoy it, yet, I know that mentally, it’s draining for me as an introvert, and as person with anxiety and ADHD. The Bible makes clear that we need to take care of ourselves, as our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit. (I Corinthians 6:19) So, when I make the choice to stay home, I’m making the choice to take care of myself, because I know that going to church would do more harm to me, rather than feed me spiritually.

That isn’t to say I don’t find ways to listen and study, in fact, I’m currently writing this while listening to one of my favorite pastors teach on a topic I find fascinating. I’m able to learn and spend time in Scripture, while also helping my brain and body decompress from a taxing week.

My point is simply this: Nobody on this planet lives tax free; and for people with mental health conditions and chronic illness, those taxes can also be found in and amongst our lives in ways healthy people may not realize. It’s okay if you’re not doing all the things that society tells you to do. One of the hardest lessons that I’m learning is that society isn’t living my life and the choices I make need to be best for me, not society.

The Mirror

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I don’t enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. In fact, there was a period of time in my life where I couldn’t stand it and would avoid it at every conceivable cost. It wasn’t until recently that I could tolerate even looking in the mirror with the intent of looking at myself.

As an adult, I’m just now figuring out how to appreciate myself for who I am. But it isn’t easy.

I’ve nailed down why though.

First, it comes down to how the medical professionals in my life handled the fact I was overweight as a child and into my teenage years. For most of my preteen/teen years, I’ve been too “fat” for my height. Diet and exercise were never a forgotten topic at annual physicals, and it was always frowned down upon to express the difficulty of those things.

“You just need to try harder.”

“You’re not motivated enough.”

“[Insert food] tastes just the same as [insert food].” (It never did. That’s a lie)

“You just need to stay within your calorie limit.”

“Having anything remotely unhealthy is a treat that can only happen like once or twice a week, and even that needs to be lessened after a period of time.”

Do you know what all those things led to? A still overweight me and really unhealthy and disordered relationship with food. Despite me trying to convey that I had trouble maintaining any semblance of energy, or any motivation in general, medical professionals didn’t seem to listen very well.

You know what? That’s not okay. Because what they did was take a look at a number on the scale and determined that all issues I was experiencing were related to it. Everything could only be solved by a “healthy” weight, diet and exercise.

Screw that. Because of that number on a scale I went most of my middle and high school years with awful self-image and and the idea that all the things wrong with me were my fault.

The reality?

The executive function caused by my ADHD makes it hard to start and finish tasks. Especially when they’re tasks that I don’t necessarily want to do.

The Narcolepsy and Endometriosis make energy really hard to come by.

The Depression makes simply functioning that much more difficult.

I needed someone to listen to me, and all I really got was frustration and body shaming.

The other reason? Toxic “Biblical” teachings.

When you’re told enough times that overeating is a sin because you’re not taking care of your body, that does horrible things for your self-image and relationship with Christ.

When you’re told that you need to fit a certain standard in body and appearance in order to be “wanted” as a Christian woman, that does jack for your self-image and makes you wonder if you’re every going to be “wanted.”

When you’re shown that if you don’t follow these certain dress standards, you’re immodest and sinning, it hurts how you perceive yourself and makes you double and triple check that you’re not sinning; which, only increases the anxiety you’re already feeling.

When you’re told that you have to cover up because it “could” cause someone of the male gender to “stumble” it makes it clear that a man’s ability to keep it in his pants is more important than how you view yourself as a human being. And that you yourself aren’t nearly as important as those of the opposite sex.

When you’re told that wearing things that make you feel good about yourself for that reason alone makes you vain, it makes you want to run away from all those things and focus on not doing anything to be considered vain because God forbid, someone have another reason to judge you.

The worst part? Most of these can be attributed to someone else’s personal beliefs and not something concrete in Scripture.

But despite all of that, I grew. Now, I wear jeans that accent my features, that make me feel confident in who I am as a person.

I wear my hair in a way that gives me confidence, and doesn’t make me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin because it’s consistently touching my ears and neck.

And you know what? I keep my weight what it is because I can, and because I’d rather spend my time on this earth loving myself for who I am, and not for a standard perceived by society. And on the days when I feel bad about it? I remember that one of the kids I watch said they love to snuggle with me because “your belly is soft and squishy like a pillow.” If that isn’t a good reason I don’t know what is.

Life is Hard and Blankets are Warm

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“Life is hard and blankets are warm.”

If I had a catchphrase, I think this would be it. It’s something I say almost daily as a reminder that, most of the time, there’s a reprieve at the end of the day. No matter how hard life gets, 9 times out of 10, at the end of the day, I can get under my 30lb blanket and just breathe.

That idea is also why I’ve been absent recently. If I wasn’t working or doing schoolwork, I was working on resting. Let’s be honest, I’m still working on resting. The rest, that, at one point, I could avoid for a couple days, became necessary daily due to a medicine change that wasn’t working. That’s just a part of being someone who isn’t in perfect health. So, I was having to deal with the extra fatigue and brain fog on top of everything else. It’s something I’ve dealt with before and will deal with again.

This is one of the many examples I have as to what all is involved in the process of treating your mental health. And the worst part about it is, there was a time in the recent past, that I would have taken the medicine’s failure to work as a sign of my shortcomings specifically in the area of my relationship with Christ. There’s a stigma in Christianity that implies if you treat your mental health with therapy and/or medication, you’re less of a Christian. While I’ve mostly broken myself of this stigma, (let’s just say these past few months have sucked), that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still affect my thought process when it comes to my meds not working.

Because, despite knowing that my mental health isn’t a consequence of something wrong I’ve done; that idea still tends to run around on my bad days.

So, if anybody needs the reminder:

Your trauma is a real and valid reason for you to have mental health conditions.

Your genetics are a real and valid reason for you to have mental health conditions.

Not everything negative in a Christian’s life is a direct result of a sin they committed.

I would love to say that asking for forgiveness for a theoretical sin would fix my intrusive thoughts caused by OCD. That’s not how that works.

I’d love to say I have regular panic attacks because I’m not as close to God as I could be, but that’s not true.

I have OCD because genetics and trauma decided to have fun in my brain. I have panic attacks because of things that have happened in my past that I have no control over, ergo trauma.

So, when a Christian presents the philosophy of my life being as it is because of a “sin issue,” it makes me realize how little they truly understand some of the basic things Jesus said. [John 9] Have I sinned? Yes. That’s a no-brainer. Does my sin impact my mental health? Yes, but not nearly as often as one might think. Is my sin the cause of my mental health conditions? No.

So remember that, “Life is hard and blankets are warm,” and rest if you need it. It’s important.

Too Much

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Here’s a shoutout to the kids who were told or made to feel like they were “too [insert word], when in all actuality, they were dealing with a neurodivergency or mental/physical health conditions. “

Too young to be tired.

Too young to have issues sleeping.

Too well off to be depressed.

Too young to be in so much pain.

Too serious.

Too loud.

Too messy.

Too picky.

Too lazy.

Too detail oriented.

Too specific with what you say.

Too easily distracted.

Too much to deal with.

Because, same.

To clarify, this isn’t a jab at my parents, in fact, if it’s a jab at anything, it’s towards the societal standards of what kids are “supposed” to be, as compared to a life filled with unfilled expectations, neurodivergency, and mental/physical health conditions.

People who have ADHD tend to have more trouble sleeping. They also have an increased risk of depression and anxiety, issues with volume control, staying organized, staying on task, and so much more.

People who are autistic tend to be specific about how things need to be, and appear “picky” with a lot of things when, in all actuality, something about it made them uncomfortable or overstimulated.

People who have invisible illnesses can go through crazy amounts of pain, medical tests, hospital visits, heartache and so much more and are still told that they are too “young,” to deal with it, or even “you don’t look sick.”

My point is simple. If you see a person that seems “too much.” Take a step back and evaluate before you speak. A person doesn’t need to be reminded that they’re young and in pain. They don’t need to be reminded that they’re messy or “lazy.” There’s a good chance that they’re already beating themselves up for the thing that you mentioned.

Ask how you can help instead of getting mad because they won’t do what you need or want them to. If they have ADHD, most likely the thing was too big to handle and the executive dysfunction set in and they got overwhelemed. If you think a person is too picky, they may be overwhelmed by a texture, sound, smell, or something else.

I could keep going. I’m tired of people being told that they’re “too something,” when in all actuality they’re dealing with something that society could most likely never understand.

So to the people like me who are figuring out that they were never too much, but were in fact just dealing with a neurodivergency or anytinng else like that:

It’s okay that you don’t fit into society’s standards of what you’re “supposed” to be. Your life doesn’t fit into those arbitrary standards. Embrace yourself for who God created you to be and that’s not going to look like the rest of the world.

End rant.

Ignorance is Bliss

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If I could choose one passage in the Bible to pretend didn’t exist, I’d have to go with a passage in Romans. You know, the one that says,

“Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:17-21

Oof. If you were unaware, I’m the type of person that has the capability to be petty and vengeful if the need arises. Sometimes, words are enough. I come from a family who knows how to use words to cut like a knife, and I definitely inherited that trait. It can also be in what I do. I’ve never been one to outright do something outlandish and giant to show my displeasure, but I am the type of person who, if I felt strongly enough might mail someone a potato at random intervals just to drive them insane because they did something that incurred my ire. So, when I read this passage of Scripture that clearly outlines that way of thinking is wrong, I have to take a deep breath and approximatly 100 steps back. So, as a reminder to myself, let’s break this passage down.

This passage of Scripture is part of Paul’s explanation of how a Christian should live, a literal “How To” guide on Christianity. This section, literally takes my idea for pettiness and throws it out the window. We as Christians aren’t meant to get back at someone, because that’s not our place. The vengance for wrongdoings belongs to God, and God alone. Instead, we’re to show them kindness in caring for them and in so doing, we’re going to “heap coals of fire on his head.” It’s been surmised that that phrase essentially means that by watching how you responded to their wrongdoing, they will, in turn, feel ashamed for how they acted toward you. You’re not going to “win” if you stoop to their level, it’s only going to give them a lower opinion of you.

Does this passage mean that you’ve got to let the person who wrong you continue to wrong you and walk all over you for the rest of your life? No. Show them kindness, forgive them, but that doesn’t mean you become a doormat. Sometimes the biggest kindness you can give a person who has wronged you is to love them from a distance. Caring about someone, and loving them doesn’t necessarily mean you allow yourself to be in a situation that is harmful for your mental or physical health. Matthew 10:14 points out that if you’re not being received, you should dust the dirt off your shoes and leave.

As I set down the box of instant mashed potatoes I planned to sprinkle in the yard of the person who irked me on the next rainy night, I know that I’m making the right choice. Yet, just because I’m not going to actively seek vengence, doesn’t mean I’m ready to forgive this person yet. Yes, I’m aware forgiveness is necessary, but I’m just not there yet. As a person who has seen their fair amount of truama, I know that in order to forgive, I must first process the situation which got me to this point. Depending on the situation, that can take a couple of hours, years, or anything in between.

Here’s where I’m at: I no longer have plans to enact starchy vengance, but I’m not ready to forgive this person. Do I still have to interact with them? Honestly, I think that’s a personal thing. My personality makes the idea of being around that person not a good idea. So, I know that I’m not going to go out of my way to interact with them, yet, if I do interact with them, I’m not going to be rude. I’ll do my best to be cordial. That’s the best I can do.

I think I’m still angry right now, but I know I won’t be forever. I’ll be able to forgive this person eventually, it’ll just take time. And while I work toward that, I’ll keep my distance from that person. Even after I forgive them, I may find out that I’ll need to continue to love from a distance. That’s setting boundries to allow yourself to not only have an optimal relationship with that person, but also allowing yourself to keep your mental health.

All in Your Head

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Do you ever have a thought that you honestly didn’t want? You know, one of those thoughts like, “I need to run my car into that tree.” Are you actually going to do it? No. Most likely, it’s something you would never even remotely consider doing. It’s called an intrusive thought, everybody has the capability to have them and they’re not necessarily a sign of a mental health condition or something that you need to seek treatment for.

But sometimes, in cases like mine, intrusive thoughts are indicative of something more. From the research I’ve done to better understand my new diagnosis of OCD, what I’ve come to realize is that the line between “harmless” and “harmful” lies in your ability to control your intrusive thoughts.

I’ve come to realize that in my case, the more random the thought I have, the more likely it is to be harmless. Like, one time I had the clear thought of, “I’m thirsty, I need a drink,” directly followed by, “I need to drink a gallon of soap.” Just as fast as I had the thought, it was gone and I found myself laughing at the absurdity of the intrusive thought. That was a harmless intrusive thought. Totally random and totally absurd.

Then there are the harmful intrusive thoughts. Which I won’t be specifying because I don’t want to trigger myself. They’re the ones that don’t go away. The stick worse than a price sticker on a paperback book. While I can try to avoid them or distract myself, that only makes the process longer. The thoughts get so loud and overwhelming that I have to do the compulsion in order to calm myself down. That makes my brain quiet, and I can find some semblance of peace. That’s my OCD. The obsession is the thought stuck in my head that makes my brain loud and until I follow through with the compulsion, I can’t find quiet.

But, intrusive thoughts don’t just lie in OCD. They can be found in a thought spiral [a thought process that rapidly devolves into chaos and makes you anxious] leading to anxiety attacks. The can be found in depressive episodes where the voice in your head keeps telling you, “hey, you’re an atrocious human being undeserving of love.”

So, how do I deal with all the intrusive thoughts? With OCD I’m still trying to figure out coping mechanisms, I haven’t found one that works well, but I don’t plan on giving up. When it comes to depression and anxiety I have a list of coping mechanisms that include grounding exercises and a mental list of truths to combat the lies.

So, where does my faith coincide? That’s tricky. Logically, I’m aware that my thoughts aren’t rational. I know going into a depressive episode or an anxiety attack that they aren’t logical and that they aren’t the truth, but I’m also aware that my brain isn’t going to correct itself if I rely solely on praying every time I have a depressive episode, or reciting a memorized Scripture during an anxiety attack. And that’s okay.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t continue to pray and memorize Scripture, it means that I’ve prayerfully determined that the methods I need to use to help my brain aren’t necessarily spiritual ones. I’m very much aware that God hasn’t given me a spirit of fear [II Timothy 1:7], but I still have to walk myself through a grounding exercise when my anxiety becomes overwhelming. My use of a grounding exercise instead of a recitation of Scripture isn’t an indication of how strong my faith is. While yes, we will be known by our works, [Matthew 7:16], the work in question isn’t a wrong or bad one. My anxiety is often brought on by something tangible or visible, and the way that my brain works means that I need a physical way to bring myself back to reality. I need to focus on memories or places I feel safe. Figuring out what I can see hear, smell etc., to help bring me back to reality. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s a tool God has given me to handle the intrusive thoughts I can’t control. And that’s a pretty amazing thing.

Failure to Function

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I’m not going to lie, if it weren’t for my medication, I wouldn’t be nearly as functional as I am now. It does everything from easing my ADHD symptoms, to helping my brain rationally work through a problem in a situation where, if I were unmedicated, my anxiety might not allow me to use rationale. But, medication isn’t perfect.

Yeah, my ADHD symptoms are eased by the medicine I take for my ADHD, but it took 2 years, and several medicine changes, to get to that point. In addition, my symptoms sometimes win the battle. There have been days where, despite all the medicine, coping skills, and loopholes, my executive dysfunction still has me unable to do anything productive, and my thoughts are flying so fast I feel like a radio that is permanently on “seek,” with no end in sight.

My depression medicine helps with my depression, anxiety and OCD, but it’s not perfect. Not only have I had to try different medications, since I first started taking them at 17, because either the side effects are too rough, or my body just gets used to them, but sometimes, even when they are working, it’s not enough. So, sometimes I have to run. (Not literally. If you see me running that’s because there’s probably something chasing me and you should be running too.) I have to hop in my car and drive until I get to one of my favorite nature spots. Once there, I climb in the back of my 2005 CRV, put in my earplugs that dampen noise and I just sit.

When I’m there, I’m able to breathe. All the worries about family drama, the anxiety that I’m not doing this “life” thing right, the feeling the need to be aggravated at every tiny thing that’s been bugging me; all of that can just leave. There, I can just sit, I can just exist without fear or worry. It’s one of my coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms are psychological strategies or adaptations done to relieve stress. (dictionary.com) For Christians, that can look like prayer, quoting Scripture, or worship, it can also look like breathing techniques, having to put your back against a wall, relying on your 5 senses to calm you down etc. Coping mechanisms don’t have to have a Christian theme. For me, I’ve realized that what I’m trying to cope with matters greatly as to what type of coping mechanism I use. For example, to help me get through the flashbacks that I’d get when I pass the place where I flipped my car, I wave and say, “Hi” to the spot. Yes, it looks and is odd, but it was something I started doing as a joke, but realized that it helped me acknowledge the fact that I had the accident, but I’m not currently in the accident. Since then, my flashbacks have been greatly reduced. Would that work for dealing with my anxiety as to whether or not I’m a “good enough,” Christian? No. I deal with that anxiety by reminding myself of the fact that my relationship with God isn’t based of society’s standards, or what everybody else determines is right. My relationship with God is based off of what the Bible says.

Do I always have success with coping mechanisms? Nope. I’m currently working on figuring out some that will help with my OCD, so far, the ones that we’ve tried have either not worked, or given me a literal headache. Like with the medications, that just comes with the territory of being a person with mental health conditions. For me, it’s also part of being a Christian. I struggle to find ways to keep a consistent Bible study and prayer life, right now, this blog is the closest I’ve come to being consistent. I am continuously looking up Scripture, to make sure that what I’m saying is Biblically accurate. I’m also pretty consistently conversing with God as I prepare to write what I want to say.

While I’ve never felt guilty about medication changes or needing a multitude of coping mechanisms, I have found myself feeling guilty about the fact that I can’t do a traditional Bible study or have a traditional prayer life. Once I realized that, like my medications and coping mechanisms needed to be tailored to my needs, my relationship with Christ did as well. No, my prayer life and Bible study aren’t perfect, just like my coping mechanisms don’t always work and my medications don’t guarantee a productive and functional day. That’s okay though, because I’m still working on myself and I’m still discovering what works.

Life

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This week, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what I’m supposed do/say/believe to make the things going on around me make sense. While I’d love to say that 100% of the time I’m able to gracefully accept God’s answers when I ask him why this stuff is happening, the truth is; I don’t. While a lot of times, I’m able to understand the logic behind Him saying that I just need to be patient, or that I don’t need to know the answer, this is one of those week’s where I so desparatly crave to push past that and beg for more answers. Because if I know the reasons behind how what is happening now will impact the future, I’d totally be set and content.

Let’s get real. That’s never going to happen. We as humans are never just content with the answers we’ve been given. We are consistantly searching to understand more, to have more information, to have more perspectives. Just, more. That’s not how God works though. We, as finite beings tend to forget that, more doesn’t always equal better. Playing more instruments doesn’t mean you’re a better musician. Having more answers doesn’t mean a better outcome.

So, here I sit, wrestling between the logical side of my brain, and the wanting side of my brain. I am logically aware that if I knew all the answers to the questions I’ve been asking I would be so completly overwhelmed and frazzled that I wouldn’t even begin to function. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to selfishly keep pestering God until he changes his mind. So far it hasn’t worked, and I don’t think it will anytime soon. I’m pretty sure God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and all the hosts of Heaven are consistently facepalming my attempts because they know that I know better.

This random period in my life where everything seems to be going crazy, wrong, sideways, upside down, and backwards is sucky. It’s hard. I don’t want to deal with all of the things going on at once and still be a functional member of society. But, I am. Well, “functional member of society” is pushing it, but “member of society” is slightly more applicable. Am I thriving off the chaos surrounding me? No. Am I graciously accepting the “not right now” answer God is giving me? I’m trying, but I’m being slightly petulant. Am I consistantly reminding myself that there are going to be things in my life that I can’t handle on my own, but I’m always given a way of escape through God? (I Corinthians 10:13) Yes.

So, instead of drowning in the “I don’t knows” of my life right now, I think I’m going to grab the floaty thingy that is purposly drawing closer to Christ.

Photo by Julia Khalimova on Pexels.com

^ This is the floaty thingy. Google informed me that it’s a lifesaver.

What If?

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In the past couple of weeks, I’ve spent a large portion of time contemplating how I want the world to see me. What kind of Jesus do I show them, and what kind of Jesus do they see? How do they view Christianity as a whole, and how does that compare to the Christianity I show them? What I found wasn’t what I wanted, and I now realize that I have changes to make.

When I was young, it was pretty common to hear the person behind the pulpit to say something like, “Christ should shine through you so much, that when people find out you’re a Christian they’ll say, ‘Oh, that makes sense! I knew there was something different about them.'” The scary thing about that quote is that people are saying it these days for a completly different reason. Christianity is no longer viewed by the world as something to run to, it’s something to run from.

Why? Becuase we as Christians get so wrapped up in the semantics of church practices, lingo, and mannerisms that we forget how to do half of what Christ commanded us to do: love. We get angry with other Christians over semantics. We protest abortion clinics and are quick to judge and yell at those going in them. We are quick to point out that everybody who who doesn’t look, talk, or believe like us is going straight to Hell without even passing “Go”. We tell people that the media they consume, the version of the Bible they read, the church they go to, the way they dress, or even the way they wear their hair are all sins, because that’s what we believe.

All of that amounts to us talking about God’s grace and love while we’re holding a stone in our hands ready to put a person to death. When did we determine that was okay? When did we determine that yelling, and anger, and judgement were what will lead people to Christ. When did we stop showing compassion? When did we stop comforting those who hurt? When did we stop being the hands and feet of Christ? Whatever that answer is, it’s caused the world to run away from us, they’d rather go anywhere else than to the cross of Christ, because of how Christians have been portraying it.

I don’t know about you, but the idea of people being opposed to Jesus because of my actions is terrifying; so it’s time to change.

I said earlier that we forgot how to do half of what Christ commanded, which is simply to love. Let’s dig into that. In Matthew 21 and 22 the religious leaders were gunning for Christ. He had thrown the money changers out of the temple in (righteous) anger (Matthew 21:12-13). The religious leaders weren’t a fan of that, and set out to trap him. They asked him question after question, trying to get him to mess up and, he evaded them seamlessly. Then this happened:

But when the Pharisees heard that he had put the Sadduccees to silence, they were gathered together. Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying Master which is the great commandment in the law? And Jesus said unto him. Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul with all thy mind, This is the first and the great commandment. The second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Matthew 22:34-40

One of my favorite things about this passage is that the lawyer thought he was being smart about the whole thing, and Jesus was like: “Hey let’s sum up the Ten Commandments in two sentences and tell them that all of the other stuff that they’re stuck on hangs on those two.” But that’s not even the best part. The best part is found in the word “love.” In these two verses, the word “love” is from the Greek “agapao” (G25) which is described as the love that God has for us. It’s a perfect self-sacrificing love.

Let’s take that a step further, how did Christ SHOW us how to love when he interacted with people? Think about it. Time after time after time we see Christ interact with those the most religious deemed the most despicable, and time after time after time we see him being kind, gentle, and compassionate, even when confronting them about their sin. The only time Christ even remotely gets angry or upset is when he’s dealing with the religious leaders who should have known better.

Back to those examples in the beginning. How is getting angry with Christians over semantics loving our neighbor? What if we stopped arguing and started communicating enough to realize that we’re not all going to agree on everything? What if, instead of protesting abortion clinics and harassing the people going in, we pray for them, direct them to women’s centers that provide education and resources to raise a child? What if instead of freaking out because someone doesn’t read the same version of the Bible we do, we take time to teach them how to study? What if, instead of worrying about all those church practices, and lingo we remembered how to enjoy the grace and love that we were given?

The Church and Suicide

/ alphabetsoupandjesus / Leave a comment

I’m going to be honest, in the churches I’ve attended and the sermons I’ve listened to, even outside those churches, I don’t think I’ve heard a sermon on suicide or mental health in general. In fact, the only mentions of suicide I remember hearing in a sermon were those of a spiritual aspect, in that it was a sin and the person would go to Hell.

I don’t know if those positions hold truth, so I’m not going to speak as to whether they do or don’t, but I do know that if the goal is to help and reach someone who is suicidal, there are more beneficial ways to go about it.

Pastors and Teachers:

As I said before, in my experience, suicide isn’t talked about in the church, and if it is, it’s presented in a way that can make those struggling to stay afloat feel like the suicidal thoughts and ideations they’re having are solely their fault and that they did something wrong to cause these things to happen.

While I’m sure sin has the propensity to cause those things, there are a host of other things that cause suicidal thoughts and ideations that have no relation to sin. And simply saying that suicide is sin, selfish, wrong, etc., is only going to be harmful and could possibly be a catalyst that propels a person to attempt to end their life.

To clarify, suicide and it’s ideations aren’t selfish. If a person is struggling with these ideations, there’s a good chance that their reasons are to ease someone else’s pain. They may see themselves as a burden, or liability whether physically, mentally, or financially. Please, please, keep this in mind when you, as a person in authority, speak on this subject.

Normalize Mental Health in your Church

That doesn’t necessarily have to be doing grandiose actions. It can look like making a point to say that things like depression and anxiety can be caused by sin and by other factors like trauma and genetics and clarifying to which one you are speaking to. While this isn’t directly related to suicide, this could put the people struggling at ease to know that you see the distinction between sin related mental health and medical related mental health and thus possibly make themselves more open to come to you.

Know your Limits in a Counseling Capacity

As people who are often sought out for advice, it’s really important to know when you need to advise someone to seek help for their issue when it’s more than you are qualified for, or have experience with. Suicide isn’t something that should be taken lightly, and since suicidal thoughts are intrusive (meaning that a person has no control over them), you’ve got to be careful about how you approach someone dealing with them. Yes, by all means pray for them. Yes, by all means, if you have experience with this share it. Yes, if you have knowledge on how to help them go for it, but also don’t be hesitant to direct them to a medical professional or organization who would be better equipped to help them.

Christians in General

Listen

Don’t jump in with a churchy saying or Bible verse that helped you right away. Just listen to what the person is trying to say. If you’ve been trusted with someone opening up to you about suicidal thoughts and ideations, take it as a privilege. Don’t rush to give them an anecdote, just try to hear what they are saying. Ask questions for clarification, but don’t negate their beliefs or experiences, just be there, and be kind.

(Of course, if the danger is imminent, please contact the proper authorities and/or a suicide hotline.)

Follow Through

One of the most important things you can do for a person who is struggling with this, as a Christian, is keep your word. If you offer to call them or visit them daily/weekly/monthly etc., do it. If you offer to pray for them, do it. Knowing that they have one person in their corner can literally change their entire world, please take that seriously.

I get this topic is controversial, uncomfortable, and downright scary. As someone who has lived through those ideations, I can confirm that it’s terrifying to open up and express what you’re feeling. It’s also terrifying to have those things expressed to you, and that’s perfectly okay. If you get anything from this series, I want it to be that kindness, honesty, and openness can go a long way in helping people who struggle with suicidal thoughts and ideations.