I’m not going to lie, if it weren’t for my medication, I wouldn’t be nearly as functional as I am now. It does everything from easing my ADHD symptoms, to helping my brain rationally work through a problem in a situation where, if I were unmedicated, my anxiety might not allow me to use rationale. But, medication isn’t perfect.

Yeah, my ADHD symptoms are eased by the medicine I take for my ADHD, but it took 2 years, and several medicine changes, to get to that point. In addition, my symptoms sometimes win the battle. There have been days where, despite all the medicine, coping skills, and loopholes, my executive dysfunction still has me unable to do anything productive, and my thoughts are flying so fast I feel like a radio that is permanently on “seek,” with no end in sight.

My depression medicine helps with my depression, anxiety and OCD, but it’s not perfect. Not only have I had to try different medications, since I first started taking them at 17, because either the side effects are too rough, or my body just gets used to them, but sometimes, even when they are working, it’s not enough. So, sometimes I have to run. (Not literally. If you see me running that’s because there’s probably something chasing me and you should be running too.) I have to hop in my car and drive until I get to one of my favorite nature spots. Once there, I climb in the back of my 2005 CRV, put in my earplugs that dampen noise and I just sit.

When I’m there, I’m able to breathe. All the worries about family drama, the anxiety that I’m not doing this “life” thing right, the feeling the need to be aggravated at every tiny thing that’s been bugging me; all of that can just leave. There, I can just sit, I can just exist without fear or worry. It’s one of my coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms are psychological strategies or adaptations done to relieve stress. (dictionary.com) For Christians, that can look like prayer, quoting Scripture, or worship, it can also look like breathing techniques, having to put your back against a wall, relying on your 5 senses to calm you down etc. Coping mechanisms don’t have to have a Christian theme. For me, I’ve realized that what I’m trying to cope with matters greatly as to what type of coping mechanism I use. For example, to help me get through the flashbacks that I’d get when I pass the place where I flipped my car, I wave and say, “Hi” to the spot. Yes, it looks and is odd, but it was something I started doing as a joke, but realized that it helped me acknowledge the fact that I had the accident, but I’m not currently in the accident. Since then, my flashbacks have been greatly reduced. Would that work for dealing with my anxiety as to whether or not I’m a “good enough,” Christian? No. I deal with that anxiety by reminding myself of the fact that my relationship with God isn’t based of society’s standards, or what everybody else determines is right. My relationship with God is based off of what the Bible says.

Do I always have success with coping mechanisms? Nope. I’m currently working on figuring out some that will help with my OCD, so far, the ones that we’ve tried have either not worked, or given me a literal headache. Like with the medications, that just comes with the territory of being a person with mental health conditions. For me, it’s also part of being a Christian. I struggle to find ways to keep a consistent Bible study and prayer life, right now, this blog is the closest I’ve come to being consistent. I am continuously looking up Scripture, to make sure that what I’m saying is Biblically accurate. I’m also pretty consistently conversing with God as I prepare to write what I want to say.

While I’ve never felt guilty about medication changes or needing a multitude of coping mechanisms, I have found myself feeling guilty about the fact that I can’t do a traditional Bible study or have a traditional prayer life. Once I realized that, like my medications and coping mechanisms needed to be tailored to my needs, my relationship with Christ did as well. No, my prayer life and Bible study aren’t perfect, just like my coping mechanisms don’t always work and my medications don’t guarantee a productive and functional day. That’s okay though, because I’m still working on myself and I’m still discovering what works.