My depression is a deep overwhelming sadness that can consume me, and has done that very thing countless times. It steals my joy, my peace, my purpose, my rationale, and so much more. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is my constant companion. No matter how well my meds are working. No matter how hard I work in therapy. It stays. Sometimes, it’s just barely visible, lurking in the shadows and waiting for the most opportune time to strike. Sometimes it’s way too close for comfort and I have to change my entire life to accommodate it. Yet, I keep going

My depression is a liar. It tells me I’m unworthy, unloved, and that I don’t deserve to live. It whispers these lies at any hour it so chooses. I can be on top of the world, and one well placed lie can send me spiraling. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is partially due to a chemical imbalance and genetics. There’s no amount of behavioral therapy that can change that, I just have to accept it. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is partially trauma induced. It reflects the worst moments of my life. I can, and do, actively work on this. There are days I come out of therapy so drained from digging into the depths of the thoughts that I want to sleep for days. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is a representation of everything negative that has ever happened to me. Every snide comment, traumatic event, and argument are all clearly seen in how my depression sees me. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is part of my testimony. It reveals how God saw me at my absolute lowest point, and sent me what I needed in the form of the person I now call my best friend. It’s an ugly part of my testimony that I don’t expect everybody to understand. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is the reason I make an effort to slow down and enjoy nature when I can. Because at one point, everything looked bleak and dull. There was no beauty in the world for me. Sometimes, I find myself slipping back there. Yet, I keep going.

My depression is the reason my faith is so strong. Looking back on all those moments that felt hopeless. Those moments where I felt abandoned, betrayed and unloved God was there, and provided what I needed. That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t kept going.

My depression represents the worst parts of my life. It also represents how hard I fought to get where I am. It represents the faith I have in Christ to simply keep going every single day. It represents a past that left battle scars, and a future filled with cautious optimism. It represents me. As a human, a friend, and a Christian. It represents that, even when I feel lost and alone, I’m able to keep going because I learned from my past.

I learned to reach out for support, and that it’s okay to show you’re struggling. I learned to lean on the people that care, and lean on God just that much more. While I don’t enjoy all the facets that make up my depression, I do enjoy the outlook it’s given me. I fight harder because of the depression, and that is something to be proud of.

So, if you find yourself depressed, feeling alone, unloved, unwanted, remember to lean just that much more on Christ, to contact your support system and medical professionals. But most importantly remember to keep going.